Sunday 30 September 2012

Snow White and The Huntsman Review *SPOILER FILLED*


Snow White and the Huntsman


One of two recent adaptations of the Snow White fairy tale, Snow White and the Huntsman is a darker action-adventure as opposed to the comedy-centric nature of Mirrior, Mirrior. Kristen Stewart plays the titular character, Charlize Theron her wicked step-mother, the evil Queen Ravenna, and Chris Hemsworth the Huntsman. I love my dark re-imagining of fairy tales (anyone who hasn’t checked out Zenescope’s Grimm Fairy Tales should do so – don’t be put off by the scantily clad ladies on the covers and inside, as the story telling itself is fantastic), so I was far more keen to see this than Mirror, Mirror now it's on DVD, but I’ve come away pretty underwhelmed.

If it were based on look and sound alone then this would be pushing a 10, because both are fantastic. The scene where Snow White enters the fairy land is a wondrous creation, and everything you would expect to find in a fairy tales, her hallucination through the forest is great, and the music that plays throughout the film is brilliantly atmospheric. Unfortunately, this is the films’ greatest strength, and sadly I can’t help but feel that the actual story telling part of it lets it down.

Snow White herself suffers from what I perceive to be a huge gap in logic as the film goes on. The really big issue I have is that, throughout the film, Snow is a fairly quiet character, with no passion about her (despite what the characters around her claim), who all of a sudden becomes a warrior princess after she comes back to life (or the spell is broken on her being asleep following the apple-eating incident). She has one brief lesson (no practical) from the Huntsman early on about how to use a knife, and yet she kills two or three people towards the end of the film with a sword who would presumably have been fully trained in combat. You’d need a hugely willing suspension of disbelief to buy that transformation. I could believe Kristen Stewart as a sword-swinging action-heroine, if there’d been a training montage at some point, but instead all her training seems to have been in being just as moody as Bella in the Twilight films, which is a shame as I believe I’m supposed to be rooting for Snow White, not wishing she’d just cheer up. The one place I did start to feel some sort of hope in the character was when she showed her wonderment at seeing the fairy land for the first time. After that though it was back to the old Snow. I also feel sorry for Kristen Stewart in that she’s given possibly the least rousing and inspiring speech in the history of cinema, when she addresses a crowd of her supporters, following her ‘resurrection’.  It’s such a shame that, in a film where I should be rooting for the main character to stand up and take her revenge, I can’t help but think she lacks the fire and passion to actually succeed.

Charlize Theron as Queen Ravenna however is the embodiment of fairy tale evil, coming across as completely unhinged in most scenes, desperate to keep her youth and beauty no matter what the cost. If Snow White had the same passion that Ravenna had, she would have been able to take on the Queen’s magic diamond guards single handed.  Her relationship with her brother is creepy and sinister, the way the darker side of a fairy tale should be, and I liked the way the mirror came to life, rather than just remaining static on the wall.

Chris Hemsworth is likeable and believable as the Huntsman, although it seems like he is being asked to basically try and play Thor again but slightly toned down, just as Kristen Stewart is bringing along Bella. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, as it’s well suited to the role he’s asked to play, but the Huntsman is never really fleshed out besides having a wife who died, and it’s hinted that the Queen’s brother is the one who killed her.

Perhaps most disappointing of all for me was the use of the dwarves. I can’t help but feel like they were added almost as an afterthought, as if someone had forgotten that there should be dwarves in a Snow White story. They interacted well with each other, and Nick Frost was particularly good, but aside from that they just don’t really add anything to the story. Having so many of them and then relegating them to minor supporting roles means they’re easily forgotten, and with several other big players such as the Huntsman and William, they’re more forgettable still.

There were some decent fight scenes, particularly the first where Ravenna is ‘rescued’, but otherwise I felt that it was strangely lacking for an action-adventure. Maybe I’m used to having lots of epic Lord of the Rings-esque battles now, but it all felt a bit small scale. The Huntsman fought the Queen’s brother a couple of times, which were quite well choreographed, but it was definitely missing Snow getting trained in sword fighting, if they were trying to interpret her as a warrior princess.

Overall, it’s not a terribly bad film, and visually it’s fantastic, but it’s all very underwhelming. When you don’t believe the lead character’s transformation into a kick-ass heroine, and you there’s a lack of action and adventure in an action-adventure, you can’t help but feel that somewhere, something has gone a little wrong.

5/10

Sunday 23 September 2012

The Great 'Which Universe Would I Rather Inhabit' Tournament, Round 1, Match 6


The Great 'Which Universe Would I Rather Inhabit' Tournament, Round 1, Match 6



Star Trek vs Middle Earth (Lord of the Rings)

Oh for crying out loud.

I was hoping for a nice easy match after Narnia vs Ultima, but no chance of that apparently.

Universe of warp speed, Klingons and The Picard Manoeuvre vs Universe of wizards, elves and The One Ring.

How on (Middle) Earth am I meant to pick a winner between these two? Surely this is a match worthy of the final? It’s like getting Man United vs Liverpool in the FA Cup 3rd Round, only much, much more important to the millions of people now following this blog.

Let’s give it a go shall we?

The Star Trek universe best represents the Utopia that we all hope for in the near future – world peace, an economy where people work to better themselves rather than for financial gain, and starships full of people in red, yellow and blue uniforms running round trying to prevent that Utopia getting ruined by other people who don’t believe in it. There are countless races to learn from, ships capable of travelling many times the speed of light, an entire planet dedicated to pleasure, and laser weapons. And they’re still using the iPad in the 24th Century.

The iPad 73, bestselling gadget in the year 2374

By the latter half of the 24th Century, the holodeck has been invented, allowing anyone to create their own programmes showcasing the biggest events in history, or bringing a novel to life, and this surely is one of the biggest draws of living in this universe – how could this not be one of the single greatest creations in the history of mankind? Even if they had a little help from their friends. A universe where all this is possible is a mighty temptation indeed.

Moving to Middle Earth, we have a universe where immortal elves live in magnificent cities, goblins and orcs inhabit the most terrible parts of the world, and the smallest people can make the biggest difference. It’s a world where man can live amongst these fantasy races, see magic first hand, and quite frankly it’s a stunning place if the movies are to be believed. And also, dragons. As a human, I’d live in somewhere like Gondor or Rohan, and to be honest that would be just awesome. I’d probably have to defend the lands from orcs and other manner of foul creatures, but I’m sure that Gandalf would get to know me pretty quickly (he’d be too inquisitive about the person who managed to teleport in from another universe to not do) and he seems to do a pretty good job of protecting those he has a special interest in. He might send me on a dangerous quest, that brings me right to my limits and leaves me in mortal peril, but overall people survive his jaunts fairly well. The important people do anyway. Maybe not Rohan-farmer-turned-soldier #13.

Now I’ll usually be drawn to a more fantastical scenario than a universe that is basically our own, so by default you would expect Middle Earth to win. However, technically Middle Earth is really set in our universe, with the time we know now being the Fourth Age, and the action in Lord of the Rings taking place in the Third Age, with plenty of other stories in the two Ages preceding those, so maybe that isn’t as clean cut as you might think. I loves me some dragons and magic, and dragons and magic are notably absent from the Star Trek universe, but then spaceships, lasers and the holodeck are conspicuously AWOL from Middle Earth. I could explore strange new worlds, seek out new life and civilisation, and somewhat warily (most of these trips end in a fight) go where no man has gone before, but I could also quest with elves, dwarves and wizards, and live out the fantasy of any person who has ever played an RPG.

Lasers vs elves.

Spaceships vs wizards.

Holodeck vs dwarves.

Kirk vs Picard (whoops, slipped into the wrong debate there. It’s Picard anyway).



I’ve made my decision. I thought this would be as hard a decision as Narnia vs Ultima, but actually it’s easier in many ways. Perhaps it’s because they are so different compared to the last match, although equally that could have made it harder. I’m going with the universe that gives me the greatest chance for adventure upon adventure, to see new world upon new world, and let me visit the other universe anyway through the magic of technology.

Congratulations, Star Trek, you have defeated Middle Earth.

Don’t get me wrong, I would love to inhabit Middle Earth, and be a part of a universe with everything I’ve discussed. That was, after all, one of the key reasons the Elder Scrolls defeated The Terminator (not because the latter is a bleak apocalyptic wasteland of despair), and I dismissed the Red Dwarf universe even though mankind had conquered space travel in it. In the Star Trek universe, however, there are countless alien races and worlds, more advanced technologies than seem apparent in Red Dwarf, and, yes, the holodeck. Don’t worry, I’m not going to use that as a reason to win during every round, or this tournament might as well end now. But, let’s face it, it’s a pretty big plus point.

Winner: Star Trek

Red Dwarf
Heroes



Heroes
Buffy
Buffy
Battlestar Galactica
Star Wars
Star Wars

Aliens
Elder Scrolls
Elder Scrolls
Terminator
Narnia
Ultima


Ultima
Star Trek
Star Trek
Middle Earth
Firefly


Marvel
DC

Doctor Who

Tuesday 11 September 2012


The Great 'Which Universe Would I Rather Inhabit' Tournament, Round 1, Match 5



Narnia vs Ultima

After a couple of easy matches, we’re back to a much trickier lineup.

Universe of fawns, talking animals and all powerful lions vs universe of virtues, medieval towns and magic.

Narnia, setting of my favourite children’s book series. There’s magic, although it only seems to get used for anything but evil once. There are exotic islands with their own adventures and mysteries beyond the mainland. There are fantastical creatures, most of whom talk, and there’s the added bonus that, as a son of Adam, I’d be a King of Narnia no matter what time period I went to, with my own castle. Which is handy as I’d always be able to find a hotel. On top of all this, if things ever got too much, I could just summon a magical lion to come and save the day. ‘Aslan!’ I would chant, my face full of smiles and wonder (if the BBC adaptations are anything to go by), new hope springing forth within my heart, and lo, he would appear to me somehow, and give me courage, show me the way, or rip someone’s throat out if they’d tried something silly like sacrificing him on an old table.

The land of Britannia, from the Ultima series of computer games, has as much meaning to that medium for me as Narnia does to literature, which is what makes this match doubly hard. Again, it’s a land of magic, although much more readily apparent and available to anyone with any skill, and there are fantastic creatures and beasts, including talking gargoyles. It’s a universe where adventure is unavoidable, a noble quest just around the corner, and fulfilling your life through eight noble virtues the greatest way to live. The Avatar, hero of the Ultima series, is always venturing to rid the land of evil with a band of companions, and I’m sure with my skilful hand and tree-trunk like physique I would easily find a place amongst them. I’m clearly demonstrating my commitment to one of the eight virtues, Humility, right here and now by vowing to be a companion, rather than sneakily despatching the Avatar to claim the top job myself. I picked up some change a lady dropped in the Post Office the other day, so that’s Honesty, a bit of Compassion, some Valour, definitely Justice, surely Honour, a bit of Sacrifice (time and the effort at bending down), and presumably Spirituality has to be in there somewhere, so really I’m a prime candidate for Avatarhood. In fact, sod it – I’d probably just bump him off then cleanse my sole at a shrine.

So it’s ‘Awesome Land of Adventures’ vs ‘Awesome Land of Adventures’. *Whistles in a way that demonstrates a tricky decision has to be made*.

There’s a tricky decision to be made here.

On the one hand, without sounding too spiritual (a little – I’m looking to become the Avatar, after all) and one with nature, part of me always thinks that whenever I’m driving through a wood and the trees are forming a canopy over my head, particularly when it’s winter and there’s snow everywhere, it’s almost like I’m travelling through Narnia, and therefore doesn’t that mean that I sort of already have lived in the Narnian universe, and should try to experience somewhere else? I imagine Britannia as being full of Medieval villages, with taverns, blacksmiths, and simple folk going about their lives, with some magic and gargoyles thrown in, and in many ways this is the perfect life I would choose if I had to abandon modern day living.

On the other hand, because I DO see Narnia whenever I travel through a forest, particularly through larges stretches of the A6 on the approach to Buxton, I know this is something that I love, and surely I should pick a universe that I KNOW I would love parts of? Plus, once and King or Queen in Narnia…

Hmm. Tricky. Ultima or Narnia. Aslan or Virtue. Bananas or Strawberries.

Oh, if only it was the latter question. I’d have to go with Bananas I think, as I never turn down a banana, but strawberries often seem like to much of an effort to get rid of the green bits.

I’m digressing now deliberately so I don’t have to make a choice.

Ok, ok. Choice made.

And it’s…



(I have chosen, honest. This is just for dramatic effect.)



(Just keeping up the drama…)



(Hey, do guys think ‘Which Colour Sofa Best Brings Out People’s Inner Child’ should be my next tournament? No? Just get on with it? Narnia vs Ultima or the sofa tournament? You mean Narnia vs Ultima don’t you. Ok, fine. It’s coming)



Ultima.

I love Narnia. It’s an amazing place, a wonderful universe to visit, but there’s something about the Ultima universe that has a distinctly medieval feel to it, which makes it stand out that little bit more. Both universes have magic, both universes have adventure, and both universes have the most fantastic scenery, but if it really comes down to it, with nothing else to separate how I feel, I think the adventures that I’ve experienced in the Ultima games just appeal that little bit more than those in the Chronicles of Narnia, both in terms of the settings and storyline. It’s an incredibly hard decision to make here, and I feel like it’s sacrilege to say that the Narnian stories aren’t adventurous or fun enough to win, but if I think about the trips down the Stygian Abyss, or travels to Serpent Isle, or to the eight different worlds through the large Blackrock Gem in the depths of Castle Britannia, the only thing that can compete is the adventures on the Dawn Treader, and sadly that isn’t enough to win. With that in mind, I’m likely to find the most excitement in the Ultima universe, and it is to this that I award an incredibly close and hard fought victory.

Winner: Ultima

Red Dwarf
Heroes



Heroes
Buffy
Buffy
Battlestar Galactica
Star Wars
Star Wars

Aliens
Elder Scrolls
Elder Scrolls
Terminator
Narnia
Ultima


Ultima
Star Trek

Middle Earth
Firefly


Marvel
DC

Doctor Who

Thursday 6 September 2012

The Great 'Which Universe Would I Rather Inhabit' Tournament, Round 1, Match 4


The Great 'Which Universe Would I Rather Inhabit' Tournament, Round 1, Match 4


The Elder Scrolls vs Terminator

Universe of elves, magic and fantastical locations vs the apocalypse and unstoppable killing machines.

I made that sound rather one sided, didn’t I?

The Elder Scrolls universe takes place on the continent of Tamriel, divided into nine provinces, many of which have been made playable in the various Elder Scrolls games so far (the Elder Scrolls online looks set to take place across the whole of Tamriel). They all vary hugely within themselves, let alone compared to each other, and hours of real time can be spent exploring the towns, mountains and forests within. Various races inhabit Tamriel, as do various classes such as warrior or mage, and there are Mages, Warriors and Thieves Guilds to forge careers in. There are gates to plains of Oblivion, and recently dragons reintroduced into the world. Anyone can learn to do magic, and anyone can be a hero. Really, is there anything that doesn’t appeal in this world? The biggest problem is what era would I want to inhabit, as the games themselves span hundreds of years. To be honest, I think ‘any’ fits the bill.

And then there’s the Terminator universe. A universe without hope, where humanity will be almost destroyed, and machines will rise up to kill us all, although we’ll eventually smash their defence grid and presumably start rebuilding. So, a little bit of hope then. But, generally, a bit bleak really. And no elves.

Elder Scrolls, take a bow, and advance to Round 2.

Winner: The Elder Scrolls

Red Dwarf
Heroes



Heroes
Buffy
Buffy
Battlestar Galactica
Star Wars
Star Wars

Aliens
Elder Scrolls

Elder Scrolls
Terminator
Narnia



Ultima
Star Trek

Middle Earth
Firefly


Marvel
DC

Doctor Who

Wednesday 5 September 2012

The Great 'Which Universe Would I Rather Inhabit' Tournament Introduction and Round 1, Match 3


The Great 'Which Universe Would I Rather Inhabit' Tournament, Round 1, Match 3


Star Wars vs Aliens

Something tells me this is going to a lot easier than the last battle.

Universe of space ships, the Force and lightsabers vs universe of space ships and aliens.

So, Star Wars. Lightsabers, the Force, Jedi, Sith, the Death Star, the Millennium Falcon, Wookies, Darth Vader, X-Wings, Jar Jar Binks…HA, fooled you with the last one. But, seriously, you know what’s in the Star Wars universe. You know why it would be amazing to wield a lightsaber, or to use the Force, or fly the Falcon. They have faster than light travel, artificial gravity, laser guns. I must be the only person who’s confused about why Boba Fett is so popular, but really, is there any reason NOT to want to be in the Star Wars universe. Hell, even Jar Jar isn’t an argument against in this case, because there’d be an opportunity to take him out for good, and that’s only a positive. Aliens universe, put up your best shot.

Well, Aliens has spaceships, and…aliens. And…

Sorry, there are some excellent films, but let’s face it: it’s Star Wars really, isn’t it?

Winner: Star Wars

Red Dwarf
Heroes



Heroes
Buffy
Buffy
Battlestar Galactica
Star Wars
Star Wars

Aliens
Elder Scrolls

Terminator
Narnia



Ultima
Star Trek

Middle Earth
Firefly


Marvel
DC

Doctor Who

The Great 'Which Universe Would I Rather Inhabit' Tournament Introduction and Round 1, Match 2


The Great 'Which Universe Would I Rather Inhabit' Tournament Introduction and Round 1, Match 2


Buffy vs Battlestar Galactica

Oh I’m so glad this isn’t a ‘Best Show Ever’ tournament. I’d be here for hours.

Universe of vampires and monsters vs Universe of killer robots.

In the Buffy universe, all your worst nightmares are true. There are vampires, werewolves, killer female praying mantises, and much more besides. But there’s also everything your dreams were made of. I.e. magic. True, not everyone is a great caster, and there’s no guarantee I would suddenly, or ever, develop a true skill at it, but it’s nice to know that it’s within the realms of possibility. It’s a dangerous world certainly, with all the creatures of the nigh roaming about, albeit mostly around Sunnydale (and anywhere else with a Hellmouth), but then again so is the sleepy village of Midsomer. And as Xander proves week in, week out, even those without the hint of any supernatural power can defeat the forces of evil.

In the Battlestar Galactica universe (technically our distant past), there are twelve colonies to live on (briefly before you’d have to flee) and then a desperate fight to stay alive in space. It’s a universe when humanity’s distant ancestors have successfully created machines to serve us, but the machines have rebelled and want revenge (strange, that’s never happened before in any other story). The space travel and eventual settling on Earth is a very exciting prospect (just like Red Dwarf in fact), and I’d be living in a world with much more advanced technology than our own. Plus, they have faster-than-light technology, and if it’s a universe that allows those physical laws to be broken, it’s a universe with endless other possibilities. It’s a bloody bleak place though, more so than any other universe other than that of the Terminator.

So who wins? Well, as I’ve said before (or said similar anyhow), even though I’d love to travel the stars, a world where I can save the world from monsters and use magic is a difficult one to beat, and therefore Buffy knocks out Battlestar.

Winner: Buffy

So, after two rounds, the tournament bracket looks like this:

Red Dwarf
Heroes



Heroes
Buffy
Buffy
Battlestar Galactica
Star Wars


Aliens
Elder Scrolls

Terminator
Narnia



Ultima
Star Trek

Middle Earth
Firefly


Marvel
DC

Doctor Who

Tuesday 4 September 2012

The Great 'Which Universe Would I Rather Inhabit' Tournament Introduction and Round 1, Match 1


The Great 'Which Universe Would I Rather Inhabit' Tournament


I have been asked many questions in my time, and absolutely none of them have been ‘if you could be in any fictional universe, which one would it be?’ Now, I think that’s a crying shame, as this is surely an entire camping trips worth of discussion. I, however, am going to attempt to do it in a series of blog articles. You, dear readers, are the ones who can carry it on. I say that as if there’s millions of you – this is most likely my first entry on this blog so the likelihood of a debate to rival that of the US Presidential Elections is admittedly uncertain. Nonetheless, for any of you curious travellers who do stumble upon this, feel free to add your own points at the end. It’ll be like our very own camping trip.

I’ve singled out 16 universes:
1.     Star Trek
2.     Star Wars
3.     Battlestar Galactica
4.     Red Dwarf
5.     Ultima
6.     Tamriel
7.     Middle Earth
8.     Narnia
9.     Buffy
10.   DC
11.   Aliens
12.   Terminator
13.   Firefly
14.   Marvel
15.   Heroes
16.   Doctor Who

I've missed several out. Programmes like 24, however brilliant it would be to help out Jack Bauer at CTU, just aren’t removed enough from reality to make the debate worth it. That would be better for a ‘which fictional organisation would you rather work for’ debate (that’s a future post already sorted…).  Similarly, with a programme like Lost, what would I say? ‘Well, I could stay on the Island all day, then get off the Island, then find another way back on…’ It’s just never going to work.

So, here’s how it works. It’s a round robin, randomly drawn by myself on pieces of paper but into a hat. The individual merits of each weighed up against the other, with no specific categories, just a good old fashioned ‘go with the heart’ outcome. The timeframe for each universe Is any that which we spend a significant amount of time in via any form of media e.g. Battlestar Galactica it’s the very little bit before and then post-Cylon Apocalypse, but for Narnia it could be anywhere from the beginning to the end. Doctor Who is based around a time traveller, so the sky really is the limit.

So, after drawing the names out of a hat, the tournament looks like this:

15 8 4 5 9 1 3 7 2 13 11 14 6 10 12 16


Red Dwarf




Heroes
Buffy

Battlestar Galactica
Star Wars


Aliens
Elder Scrolls

Terminator
Narnia



Ultima
Star Trek

Middle Earth
Firefly


Marvel
DC

Doctor Who

We'll start Round 1 here, with a new match every day.

Round 1:

Red Dwarf vs Heroes

I’ll start by reminding you all that this is all about which would be the best universe to inhabit, not about which is the best show. Red Dwarf would win by a mile on that contest. Yes, the last couple of seasons can’t compare to Series VI and before, but Heroes really only had one very good season. It’s rare that I have seriously consider stopping watching a series halfway through, but that’s the case with Heroes series III. I’ve never even bothered with series IV, again unusual.

So we have a future version of our universe with nothing of note (not even any aliens) vs an Earth housing people with superpowers.

In the Red Dwarf universe, a few hundred years in the future mankind will have perfected space travel, including artificial gravity and life support, and will be able to bring back humans in the form of holograms, which would appear to be my main way in. Assuming I was alive when the adventures of the Red Dwarf crew that we know and love begin, I could look forward to serving on a spaceship and visiting nearby planets and moons that have been terraformed. This is clearly a universe where mankind makes incredible strides even faster than we are doing now. There might not be any dragons or magic, but there’s the chance to explore the cosmos. Although it’d confirmed that there aren’t any aliens anywhere in the universe. Which is a bitter blow.

In the Heroes universe, a select group of people have special abilities, which enable them to heal from any injury, use telekinesis, and turn invisible. Possible versions of the future show that these might be available to all one day, although it’s a bit more of an underground thing at present. Yes, there are evil people who want to do nasty things with these powers, but there are nasty people in every universe. The key thing is that, at some point, I might get my hand on the old telekinesis ability, and then I’ll be able to wear my Peter Petrelli style coat and properly act out the part. And then there’s flying. Always important to remember flying.
So who wins? Well, as much as I’d love to travel the stars in Red Dwarf or Starbug, there’s not really much that sets it apart from our own universe. Plus, if I was alive with the Red Dwarf crew, three million years in the future, there isn’t exactly a whole lot to do in comparison. In the Heroes universe I could develop powers, and really and truly save the world. Maybe I could have the power to go back and completely re-write the plot of series II onwards.

Winner: Heroes