Remakes, Reboots and Sequels - The Reason Why They Hurt So Much

Remakes and Sequels - The Reason Why They Hurt So Much

Look around the internet, for anything. Absolutely anything. A recipe for Yorkshire puddings perhaps. You'll probably go with the first one you find, and maybe you'll check the comments to see how well received it's been. The comments will read something like this:

foodlover56:

Great!

startermaindessert:

OMG I LUV THIS RECIPEEEEEE <3

cookingqueen:

Thank you

cookingwithlightsabers:

These are so good, it almost makes me forget about Jar Jar Binks

maythefourthbewithyou:

ROFL 

endorbbqcompany:

Have you heard Disney have bought Lucasfilm? :( bad times

leavebritneyalone:

LEAVE STAR WARS ALONE!

recipeguru:

Great recipe

recipeguru:

Great recipe

recipeguru:

Great recipe

recipeguru:

They should have left it at the Original Trilogy

picardbeatskirk:

To be fair, Episode III wasn't too bad

cookingwithlightsabers:

*This message has been deleted due to inappropriate content*

maythefourthbewithyou:

*This message has been deleted due to inappropriate content*

originaltrilogyonly

*This message has been deleted due to inappropriate content*

itsatwap:

I will literally hunt you down and paint you with blenderised Weetabix

monmothaisababe:

*This message has been deleted due to inappropriate content*

exhaustportlol:

*This message has been deleted due to inappropriate content*

recipeguru:

Great recipe

Ok, that's a slight exaggeration.

But only very slight.

If there's one thing guaranteed to get the internet going bananas, it's a remake, reboot or unwanted sequel (I know that's three things). An unwanted sequel usually means one coming out many years after the last film, so Live Free or Die Hard (Die Hard 4) coming out in 2007, after Die Hard With A Vengeance (Die Hard 3) in 1995. I avoided mentioning the Star Wars prequels or Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull because they're so obvious, the Universe face palms itself each time mankind brings them up. Which I just did, so sorry Universe, it won't happen again.

Remakes take on a few different forms. Sometimes they're American remakes of films/television series, such as The Office, or Quarantine. Sometimes they're 'reboots', such as Casino Royale (James Bond) or Battlestar Galactica. However they come, they never arrive welcomed by the mass majority. I include myself in this, and I think I've finally figured out why they hurt me so much personally. There have been many articles written on this, but I haven't come across any that mention this reason specifically.

What most articles that comment on this will tell you, is people see these remakes or sequels are desecrating a childhood memory. To an extent I'd agree. My memory of the Indiana Jones trilogy (sorry again, Universe) is that of an almost perfect set of films that I first watched in childhood, inspiring me to want to become an archaeologist, to make sure things belong in museums, and to want to fight Nazis. When Kingdom of the Crystal Skull came out, I laughed off fears that it wouldn't live up to the original films, confident that George Lucas and Steven Spielberg would deliver the goods. It took a few hours but when the tears had finally ended following a trip to the cinema, I felt like a part of me had been destroyed. There's an excellent episode of South Park that sums up how a lot of people felt following that film. But really, had my childhood been destroyed? No. Kingdom of the Crystal Skull isn't from my childhood. Those films that I did watch back then will always be part of it, and nothing can change that.

I won't go into detail about my feelings on the Star Wars prequels (are your face and palms stinging sufficiently yet, Universe?) - I've partially done that in a previous article, but suffice to say I don't exactly have warm feelings towards them. Episode III had some movement in the wrong direction, but flushes most of that down the toilet with at least one incredibly big flaw of logic. But again, did they destroy my childhood memories of the Original Trilogy, even though Episode I came out in 1999, when I was 13 and so still in childhood? No, because I WAS still a child, and so I lived through the nightmare as a child. What I'm trying to say here is that if you are a child when something like this happens, it's more of a bad sequel than a stain on your memory. For everyone 18+, you're childhood isn't affected by them.

The outcry also always forgets where a remake, reboot or belated sequel succeeds incredibly well. The James Bond franchise has been invigorated by the rebooting formula beginning with Casino Royale, which arguably it had to do to keep with the times following the 'grittier' style of popular spy series such as the Jason Bourne trilogy. The Battlestar Galactica 're-imagined' (it means reboot) is my all time favourite television series of all time (and sorry anyone who didn't like the finale - Dad, you're just wrong). True, I never saw the original, but surely the fact that I didn't makes it OK - I have my series of Battlestar, fans of the original have theirs. I love the UK version of The Office, and I'll admit that when I heard there was to be a US remake, I moaned and groaned, but I've only heard positive things about it, and I'm happy to accept that it has plenty of fans. I still groan and wonder why the US has to remake everything the UK produces, but it doesn't impact on the UK version, so really all I have to do is ignore it and be proud that the UK version is miles better. No offence to any US readers, but history would suggest I'm likely to be right about this.

So, if all this is true, then why does it hurt so much when something like a new Indiana Jones film comes out and is terrible (seriously, aliens?). Well, it's not because your childhood is getting screwed with.

It's because it becomes canon.

That's right. When a new film gets added to a franchise, no matter how hard you try to ignore it, morally you know it's now part of its history. When you talk about what you think Indy did post-Last Crusade, whether it's visiting Atlantis or living a quiet life playing Bridge with Marcus, you know that at some point he ends up meeting aliens. And that hurts, it really does. Aliens? Seriously? Why not just make Fate of Atlantis? It couldn't be anything but a winner. 

When the original Star Wars trilogy (just keep face palming indefinitely, Universe, it's probably easiest) were the only set of films, you could imagine what the Clone Wars were like, and how Anakin Skywalker became Darth Vader, and remain ignorant about trade negotiations, the origins of C3-PO and stupid, STUPID JAR JAR BINKS. But now, no matter how hard you try to erase it, or determinedly say 'Oh, I just pretend they didn't happen', deep down you know they did. You can ignore the Expanded Universe if any of that annoys you, because it isn't considered canon, but the prequels are. Morally, you have to acknowledge them. That's right, it's a moral issue. My conscience burns if I try to tell myself Jar Jar is just a nightmare that I've dreamed up.

This is also why arguing against a reboot doesn't have merit. The latest Star Trek film deliberately began a new timeline. All of your favourite Star Trek moments are still valid, they just happened in a different timeline. So your childhood is safe.

Of course, sometimes a remake or sequel is so bad it hurts to watch it just because it's bad. The fact it's associated with a franchise you love is a coincidence. Red Dwarf USA, both pilots, was terrible. But it would be terrible if the dialogue was tweaked to be about a Scottish launderette. Nothing could change that. 

So there you have it. I've put a finger on what's really been bothering you about remakes, reboots and sequels. No need to thank me, it's what I'm here for. I'll admit it, that i'm dreading the Starship Troopers remake, because I see it as unnecessary and don't see how it can top the original. But as long as it doesn't become canon, then I don't really have grounds to complain. I just won't see it. Or i'll see it, and then go and watch the original and remind myself how much better it is.

But i'll probably still complain. Even though I should know better.

The Great 'Which Universe Would I Rather Inhabit' Tournament Round 2 Match 1

The Great 'Which Universe Would I Rather Inhabit' Tournament Round 2 Match 1

Round 2

I’d like to start Round 2 by re-iterating what this tournament is about, and what the arguments within can be. It’s not about which is my favourite series, it’s about which Universe I would rather live in, with its laws of physics, magic etc., and the races and lands within. Accepting that I have a mortal life span, and would have to pick just one era to live in, I’m trying to stay away from basing it on the individual people inhabiting that particular universe (except for Ultima, where everyone seems to be alive most of the time the Avatar is there, so I’d be bound to run in to him constantly on my adventures). I’ve not stuck to a particular time frame in the previous rounds, so I’m sticking with that ethos, although I do wonder if that would have given me more focus. Got to keep on as I did before, however, to keep it a clean fight. Maybe at the end of each match I’ll state my favoured time period. Should probably do that for the losers now really then:

Red Dwarf – well, you’d think it would be three million years into deep space as the obvious choice, wouldn’t you? Wroooooooooong. I’m afraid I’m not going to pick a time where there’s no prospect of procreating (Lister becoming his own father doesn’t count. And still doesn’t make sense), so I’m going to opt for the time when Lister goes into stasis and the accident occurs on Red Dwarf. I’ll be a member of a crew on another space ship, and I’ll get to travel the galaxy and see mankind terraform and colonise other planets. Life will be good, and I’ll own a garden with some decking, and therefore all my dreams will come true.

Battlestar Galactica – sod it, I’m going to have been a member of the Galactica’s crew, and I’m going to enjoy living a simple life on Earth. I’m going to sneak some technology with me so I can solar power some equipment, and make sure I can still play Skyrim.

Aliens – I’ve just seen Prometheus, obviously set in the Alien universe, but as I hadn’t when I started this tournament, I won’t let it influence my decision. I’d like to live at the start of humanity’s exploration of the stars in this universe. I’d love to think I’ll manage that in real life.

Terminator – well it’s our universe, Judgement Day gets delayed…I’ll choose to go and live in Tudor times, and become a wandering minstrel. I’ll sing songs of the apocalypse that will happen 500 years in the future, and people will call me a visionary/crazy. Here’s a sample:

                Beware I cry to one and all

                We will commit this sin

                Be vigilent and heed my call

                Don’t let the buggers win

Narnia – I’ll come around just after the Pevensies return home following the first book. I’ll re-write Narnian history and become King, with my wife and child at my side, as is my birthright as a Son of Adam. And it shall be good.

Middle Earth – I’m thinking that I’d arrive neatly at the end of the Third Age with the defeat of Sauron and destruction of the One Ring, as everything seems quite happy and jolly then. Or maybe the First Age where I could give Sauron the middle finger and just warn all the kings that he gave rings to not to wear them, as they’d become a little more transparent with time – ‘because we’d see through their plans?’ you say? Haha! No. As in invisible. Being a king is all about ego, and if your subjects can’t see your face, then where’s the glory?

Firefly – Not having as much of an in-universe history as the rest of those on this list, except for our own history which I’ll avoid this time, I’ll just pick the time frame that we see in the show. Maybe Captain Reynolds would spot me in a public library and decide that’s just what the ship needs.

Doctor Who – Well, In Doctor Who I suppose I’ve got to choose which Doctor’s era would I rather be living in. And that is a very tricky toss-up between David Tennant’s Tenth Doctor, and Matt Smith’s Eleventh Doctor. That’s a future article to debate over I’m sure, and I’m not going to make a choice now, so I’ll just say sometime then. I’m aware that as they time travel, picking any kind of time frame is a little pointless, but The Doctor has his own linear timeline relatively speaking, so it’s still a valid argument.

And with that out of the way, onto Round 2...

Heroes vs Buffy

Universe of I-think-there-was-something-to-do-with-an-eclipse-so-maybe-they’re-solar-based-but-i-gave-up-before-series-4-so-maybe-it-was-explained-better-then based powers vs Universe of powers granted by magic and demons

Ah Heroes, you made it through the first round because you boasted powers and the promise that maybe one day I could have some of my own. Just like you showed promise that you could be one of the best science-fiction shows of all time. Well, you blew that, so will you blow your chance here? As discussed before, there’s a plethora of powers available, and a not entirely unreasonable chance that at some point in the future I could gain some of them (they can’t keep these things under wraps for ever, surely), plus plenty of bad guys to fight against. Really, as a fictional universe, you’re ticking most of the boxes that a geek would love.

But then along comes the Buffyverse, with its ass kicking heroine, its magic-wielding best friend, its variety of demons, and its Spike. Magical powers vs *explanation unavailable but in an alternate future everyone had them* powers. Hordes of demons vs just nasty people.

Oh Buffyverse, you should stroll this one, surely? If only it were a best show competition. You would’ve strolled ages ago. You’d probably be enjoying a celebratory pint by now. But it’s not so clear cut in this tournament, as we’ve discovered several times. I’m going to disregard the ‘demons vs just nasty people’ argument, because although I love fantasy and saving the world as a hero, without the magic/powers then I don’t really have a way of fighting these and I’d probably end up dead pretty quickly if I tried to talk a demon down with sound reasoning and the offer of therapy. I suppose it comes down to whether I would rather have my powers brought on by magic (and let’s be clear – I WOULD be capable of wielding magic, because it’s my tournament) or by random explanation. With magic I’d have to buy all the ingredients and chant stuff (a lot of the time it seems), whereas in the Heroesverse, the powers are just there, ready to be used. But, with magic I can pick and choose the spells (skill dependant, of course). The powers in Heroes seem to be randomly assigned.

Hmm.

Well, in the end, I’ve made a choice. And, despite the close nature of the finish, having weighed up the odds, Buffy takes the victory. There’s just too much chance I’d end up with a stupid power, like the ability to turn myself into a belt, in the Heroesverse. In the Buffyverse I may have to go out and buy the ingredients for the magic, and, you know, be good at it and stuff, but at least I’m making the choices towards it. Plus, as long as I’ve got the methods of fighting them, fantasy creatures are just so much cooler than rich people with too much money.

As for a time period, for both Buffy and Heroes it would just be the contemporary time. 

Winner: Buffy

Red Dwarf	Heroes	Buffy
Heroes
Buffy	Buffy
Battlestar Galactica
Star Wars	Star Wars
Aliens
Elder Scrolls	Elder Scrolls
Terminator
Narnia	Ultima
Ultima
Star Trek	Star Trek
Middle Earth
Firefly	Marvel
Marvel
DC	DC
Doctor Who

Book Review - The P.L.A.I.N. Janes - Cecil Castellucci (Writer) & Jim Rugg (Illustrator)

Teenage Graphic Novel - The P.L.A.I.N. Janes – Cecil Castellucci (Writer) & Jim Rugg (Illustrator)

Recommended for: Teens/Adults

Minx’ were an imprint of DC comics, designed for teenage girls, to try and catch a flourishing market who were starting to get noticed reading Manga in book shops. It ended up being cancelled after poor sales, which is a crying shame as anything that encourages more girls into reading comics can only be a good thing.

I randomly picked up a copy of another book in the Minx series, not knowing at the time it was for teenage girls (honest), just liking the art work and premise. When I really enjoyed that, and learned that there were 12 altogether, I thought I’d get them all sent to the library to go through in order (wonderful things, our public libraries – if you don’t use yours, remember they lend you books for free. That’s more money to spend on other important things, like cling film and lint roll).

The P.L.A.I.N. Janes is the first to be released. It chronicles the story of Jane, who has moved with her parents to the suburbs from Metro City following a terrorist attack which she was caught up in. The story is told mainly through a series of letters she writes to a comatose patient in the hospital who saved her life that day. When it came to move to the suburbs, she took his sketchbook with her, hoping to fill it with her own work and send it back to him when complete. When she arrives, she has the same trouble that every new student at high school encounters, namely to decide which group of friends she would like to hang out with. Shunning the advances of the most popular girl in school, she chooses to befriend the ‘odd ball’ group, made up of three other girls called Jane (or variations on). Realising that there isn’t a lot to do in suburbia, and wanting to live a little under the fairly strict and boring rule of her parents, she forms ‘People Loving Art In Neighbourhoods’ (P.L.A.I.N.) with these other Janes, and proceeds to carry out a series of ‘art attacks’ to liven up the town and show that life can be fun. Although these get all the kids at school excited (and the rest of the suburbs talking), the police view it as anti-social behaviour, invoke a curfew, and threaten anyone who is caught with juvenile hall. Along the way, P.L.A.I.N. enlist the help of a couple boys, one of whom is the obligatory crush for our main Jane.

Teenage girl or not, I thought this was great fun. The art attacks are great to see, it gets you thinking about the line between fun and breaking the law, and the main characters all have their own likeable quirks. There’s an awkward teenage crush as you’d expect, but otherwise it isn’t really full of any clichés as you might expect to appeal to a teenage female audience (fashion, shoes etc.). 

The art work is great, with lots of impressive sketches that Jane draws interspersed with the main narrative. The flashbacks work well, as does the narrating to the guy in the coma, letting us know how Jane feels as the story progresses. There's even a fairly tense finish, which i'm not spoiling here, but it leaves you with a smile on your face, wanting more.

I know this is meant to attract a female teenage audience to graphic novels, so it’s such a shame that it didn’t have the desired impact, because this is a great way to get in for people who think of graphic novels as superheroes in costumes doing geeky things. I myself am most certainly not a teenage girl, no matter what the bullies at school may have said, and I thoroughly enjoyed, so don’t let the Minx imprint put you off. I’m off to start no.2 in the series, Re-Grifters, so I’ll see you then.

9/10