The Great 'Which Universe Would I Rather Inhabit' Tournament Round 2 Match 2

The Great 'Which Universe Would I Rather Inhabit' Tournament Round 2 Match 2

Star Wars vs Elder Scrolls

Universe of light sabers, droids and jedi vs Universe of dragons, magic and dungeons

When I set about undertaking the challenge of deciding this tournament, I didn’t envisage a point where my conscience would genuinely be torn about picking a winner. This is, after all, not the most important thing in the universe (or any of these universes), so surely it shouldn’t matter that much. But, as we all know, to anyone with an ounce of geekdom about their person this sort of question matters immensely because it shows how much they care about one of the most important parts of their lives – essentially, to a geek, their favourite tv shows, films, games, fictional universes etc. make up a part of who they are. So playing one off against the other when you care deeply about both is kind of like picking between your favourite children. Sure, you KNOW there’s one you prefer, but it isn't the done thing to say It out loud.

I’m kidding of course. I only have one child and even if I have a second I’ll love it equally, although I’ll be hugely disappointed in any of them if they so much as hint to liking dubstep. But it’s true when I say that a simple decision like this tugs strangely hard on my conscience.

You didn’t open this page to hear me waffle though. On with the match.

The Star Wars universe will always be one of the coolest ever created. It has lightsabers, Han Solo, and Death Stars, even if, goddammit, it has Jar-Jar Binks. There is not a geek alive who doesn’t wish they could handle a real lightsaber, even if most of us would probably end up severing at least one limb within the first few minutes of practice. Now, granted, there’s no guarantee that I’d get to control a lightsaber, as I don’t know my midi-chlorian count, but I’d like to think that I could ‘borrow’ one for parties at the very least. Surely learning how to use the Force can’t be THAT difficult, and surely with all their advanced futuristic technology they must have television. Flying in spaceships, visiting distant planets, helping to bring down the Empire…oh, what I wouldn’t give to live that just for five minutes.

Now, for those of you in the know, it’s pretty obvious that Tamriel is as opposite to the Star Wars universe as it’s possible to get. It’s Sci-Fi vs Fantasy, Laser Guns vs Swords, the Force vs…well, you could do a Telekinesis spell  in Tamriel I suppose, but essentially it’s a fair comparison. And I suppose you could argue there’s a fair bit of lightsaber-ing, to match Tamriel’s sword fighting. But anyway, essentially, the two universes are pretty different. Now to me, adventuring in foreign lands, completing quests and generally becoming a hero are what entertainment should be all about, and there’s no better place to do this than Tamriel. It’s such a fully realised world (no matter which game you play), crafted in an incredible level of detail, with numerous unforgettable cities and landscapes. I said in the previous round that I’d happily inhabit any period seen in any Elder Scrolls game, but really I think the most memorable of these is the time frame seen in Skyrim – I know that the rest of Tamriel will be there, it just won’t be quite as I remember it from any other of the games.

What this match really boils down to I suppose, is whether I’d prefer to be in a universe fighting the oppressive Empire and learning the ways of the Jedi (because I would HAVE to be coming into my adult years around the time the Rebellion was defeating the Empire, if only to avoid being sentenced for the murder of Jar-Jar Binks), or playing the role of a sword-wielding adventurer, completing quest after quest in the hope of making a name for himself as a hero of all the lands. It’s a pretty impossible choice right?

Well, ‘PRETTY’ impossible isn’t ‘ACTUALLY’ impossible, so gosh darn it I’ll have to make a choice. Either way, a big player is heading out of the tournament.

I think there’s one answer that is more obvious than the other. One that more people would plump for, and in an opinion poll online would come up the winner more often than not.

I’m not voting for the obvious one though. I’m going the other way. Stand up please…

Tamriel.

Yep, I’m afraid the Star Wars universe has been defeated. No matter the fact it has Jedi and The Force, I just can’t shake the fact that I’m an explorer at heart, and the chance to become a hero through questing and exploration is too good to pass up. Plus, if I’m honest, the Elder Scrolls’ designers create more exciting lands for me than George Lucas could. Whilst there are towns aplenty that I would give anything to visit in Tamriel, I can’t say the same about Star Wars – iconic as Tatooine is, it’s basically just a desert, Hoth is just an icy tundra, and Endor is a Center Parcs village with hairier staff.

Congrats Tamriel and the Elder Scrolls series, you’re through to the semi-finals!

Winner: Elder Scrolls

Red Dwarf	Heroes	Buffy
Heroes
Buffy	Buffy
Battlestar Galactica
Star Wars	Star Wars	Elder Scrolls
Aliens
Elder Scrolls	Elder Scrolls
Terminator
Narnia	Ultima
Ultima
Star Trek	Star Trek
Middle Earth
Firefly	Marvel
Marvel
DC	DC
Doctor Who

20 Years Of Waiting

20 Years of Waiting, and the Elation When You Finally Get a Joke

Now, I'd like to start by saying I'm usual pretty good at getting jokes. I'm not usually the one left at the end still trying to figure out why everyone is laughing (although I'm often the one who told the joke - ask anyone who knows me about the Pink Gorilla joke. It's a favourite amongst our friendship group). However, there's one particular joke that has left me stumped for the last 20 or so years, that I finally managed to grasp last night. Truly, this was a joyous occasion. Chris understood the word, and the word was Ptennis Net.

Let's back up 20 years. I've been an avid reader of Asterix since I was about five, and I'm 26 now. I'm sure you don't need an explanation, but for the three people out there who don't know what the Asterix series is, here's a quick explanation:

'Asterix...is a series of French comic books written by René Goscinny and illustrated by Albert Uderzo (Uderzo also took over the job of writing the series after the death of Goscinny in 1977).
The series follows the exploits of a village of indomitable Gauls as they resist Roman occupation. They do so by means of a magic potion, brewed by their druid, which gives the recipient superhuman strength. The protagonist, the titular character Asterix, along with his friend Obelix have various adventures. The "ix" suffix of both names echoes the names of real Gaulish chieftains such as Vercingetorix, Orgetorix, and Dumnorix. Many of the stories have them travel to foreign countries, though others are set in and around their village. For much of the history of the series (Volumes 4 through 29), settings in Gaul and abroad alternated, with even-numbered volumes set abroad and odd-numbered volumes set in Gaul, mostly in the village.'

Good old wikipedia.

Now that you're up to speed, let me bring you to Asterix The Legionary, a story where Asterix and his best friend Obelix sign up for the Roman Army, so that they can journey to Africa and rescue the husband-to-be of Obelix's crush, Panacea. When registering themselves, there are five or six other people trying to sign up too, from various nationalities. One of these happens to be Egyptian. Now, being a comic book series, Asterix features a lot of visual humour, and in this instance, the humour comes from the fact the Egyptians' dialogue is written in hieroglyphics - to understand this, we need to rely mostly on the interpreter who is present at the signing up ceremony. Here's a paraphrasing of the conversation that occurs when the Egyptian signs up:

Clerk: Name?
Egyptian: (We see a tennis net in the dialogue box)
Clerk: Interpreter?
Interpreter: Ptennis Net.

And there we have the joke. Not following yet? Don't worry, it took me 20 years to get this. Now that I have, however, it's joined my list of 'Cleverest Ever Jokes' (yep, there's an article coming for that at some point - when I have more than two).

Now, for the last 20 years, I've believed the humour to come from the fact that 'when you say "tennis net", it kind of sounds like you put a "p" before it'. Yes, hello fatal flaw in my explanation, and well done to all those of you out there who spotted it - in actual fact, it doesn't sound like there's a 'p' in front of 'tennis net' when you say it. The person who gave me this explanation shall remain nameless, to save them the horror of having led me down the wrong path for 20 years. However, as a five or six year old, you kind of just accept these things, and try to laugh along with it, even though your youthful mind is saying '...eh?'

Ready for the real explanation for this joke?

Ever heard of Ptolemy (any of them), Pharoah of Egypt? Ptolemy I succeeded Alexander the Great as rule of Egypt upon his death in 332BC, and was the first in a long line of Ptolemaic rulers until the death of Queen Cleopatra VII (the famous one) in 30BC.

Have you got it yet?

Yep, Ptennis Net is a play on the name 'Ptolemy', putting the 'p' before the 't' like the great Pharonic rulers.

Wow, 20 years of waiting. FINALLY.

Now, I don't know about you, but I think that's actually a pretty darn clever joke. It's not an obvious one by any means, and it takes a bit of knowledge of Ancient Egyptian history to get it, but the Asterix series as a whole is full of witty plays on words (especially names - Unhygenix for the unhygenic fishmonger for instance, or Cacofonix for the bard who can't sing), and I think this is the cleverest of the lot.

So there you have it. If you've ever read Asterix The Legionary and been a little nonplussed as to why the Egyptian's name is Ptennis Net, I hope this explanation has brought you some solace. And mirth. Lots of mirth. Can't beat the mirth.

What do you mean I've just wasted 10 minutes of your time?

Teenage Book - ACID - Emma Pass (Author)

Teenage Book - ACID - Emma Pass (Author)

Recommended for: Teenagers/Adults

I need to make a small confession before I begin this review. Emma is a colleague of mine (from a different library, but a colleague nonetheless), and so even before reading ACID I knew that I was going to be slightly biased towards it. Now, when it comes to books, once you've discovered an author that you love, you're undoubtedly going to be biased towards anything else they write anyway, so think of me as just having skipped the need to become a fan through reading one of her previously published books (which I couldn't be, as this is her debut novel). But at the end of the day, I know that I would have felt the same as I do whether Emma was a colleague or not, because in a word, ACID is brilliant.

BRILLiant.

Not since first reading The Hunger Games have I chosen to sit down with a book in my spare time instead of browsing the internet or playing a computer game, except during lunch breaks at work and when I'm reading to my son. They coined the term 'page-turner' specifically for books like this. And they invented pillar box red hair dye just so they could give it to kick-ass heroines like Jenna.

I'm a big fan of Dystopian fiction. I've always wondered why people are so taken with stories about how life as we know it has either ended or become so harsh to live with, and I suppose it's because we like to think that no matter how hard times get, we'll still struggle on and survive.

In this particular Dystopian future, ACID is the name of a corrupt and all-powerful police force, ruling over the Independent Republic of Britain. Set in 2113, there's a good dose of futuristic technology, such as 'KOMM' ear pieces which function like personal data machines (imagine phones and the internet in your ear, and I think you're on the right lines), and 'lightfiti' instead of graffiti. Comparisons between ACID and Big Brother are obvious, with people being required to watch the ACID-controlled news reports for several hours a day, and personal ID cards being required for most things. Most of this may not be new, but then what hasn't been thought up before at this point? What's important is that it's done perfectly to enhance the world we see, and this world is clearly one that George Orwell had in mind all those years ago.

Our heroine, Jenna, starts the book in prison for the murder of her parents. She's broken out early on, but exactly why is kept secret from her. With a change of identity she tries to begin anew, but she just can't stay out of trouble, and a chance encounter with the son of one of her rescuers leads her on a whole new path of danger. To say any more would spoil too much of the story, but needless to say it rattles along at a frantic pace, and every time you think there's going to be a lull, the next bit of excitement and drama is just around the corner. There's a couple of parts of the book that could almost be considered reboots within themselves, and it's to the author's credit that not once do these lose focus, or leave you confused as to what's going on. There's even a major scene in a library. Seriously, what more could you want?!

I always find it strange when people will ignore a book just because it's on the teenage shelf. Now, I'm fairly certain there's a whole blog article to write about this somewhere down the line, but basically it's to your own detriment that you write off a teenage book. Whilst there are some teenage books that are all about shopping, talking about boys, or clearly written only with those just turning 13 in mind, essentially a teenage book (particularly for older teens) is just an adult book with a little less swearing (usually), a little less 'rudity' (have I made up a word there?), and a teenager as the protagonist. By no means do teenage books necessarily shy away from difficult subjects, or talking about things in great detail. There are at least two topics in this book that are definitely more 'adult' in theme - not because they're about relationships or sex, but because they're about human rights and the lengths people will go to for their cause. And this is exactly right - teenagers should not be hidden away from difficult topics just because they're under 18 (although undoubtedly parents should use caution with how exactly they are exposed to them). How else are they going to learn to discuss these topics, and formulate their own moral views? This may be written from a teenage point of view, but it's a teenager who is living in an adult world, and who isn't going to have an easy time.

Jenna herself is everything you want from a heroine. She's hard as nails, she's got a fiery personality, and she's got bright red hair (every character is better with bright red hair). She's understandably frustrated with the situation she's in, and the steps that lead her there, but she's also committed to getting justice for the way things have turned out. When she meets up with Max, son of one of her rescuers, the relationship she forges with him is strong enough to spur her on to risk her life in saving his, and it's hard not to root for someone like that really, is it? When you come out of a book wishing that you new the heroine in real life, you know they're someone a bit special. Elsewhere, there are a couple of evil villains lurking around, who play their roles well, even if the Big Bad is perhaps more of a stereotypical evil General than one who's going to make a list of the greatest villains in fictional history (blimey, did I just level a criticism at this book?! Well, it's not a major one - the guy does his job as he's meant to, but he's nothing new). There's another bad guy who I won't say too much about for fear of spoiling a potential twist, but let's just say what he plans to do is deplorable, yet you can see the reasoning behind his actions. He's a far more intriguing character, as he raises some of the moral issues that I mentioned earlier. There's a very similar argument in this area that takes place in the re-imagined Battlestar Galactica, although ACID stops just short of going to quite the extremes that Battlestar took it. Nevertheless, to me, this is the more evil of the two villains.

But what really sets this book out from the crowd, and what earns it that extra bit of merit that pushes it to brilliance, is the little extras that the author puts in. Just like a viral marketing campaign for a television series or film nowadays (see Lost or The Dark Knight for the best examples), there are extra tidbits of information dotted in between chapters that flesh out the story, such as news reports on Jenna as they would appear to the regular citizen, or transcripts of communication between ACID agents that let us in on secrets that Jenna doesn't know. It makes for such a delight to read, and pulls you more than ever into the world itself, that it's going to be disappointing in every book I read from now on that doesn't feature extras like this. To me, that's what helps push Matthew Reilly to the top of the pile when it comes to Action/Adventure writers, and if Emma doesn't get extra recognition for the enhancements they make to her story, then...well, people are stupid.

I mentioned The Hunger Games before. That was the last book to really excite me. It took a plot (children forced to kill each other) and genre (Dystopian) that had been done before, but did it in such a brilliant way that I didn't care if some of it was familiar. And that's what ACID does - we've seen corrupt governments who spy on you and can track your every move, and the kick-ass heroines who oppose them before, but it's such an entertaining and gripping ride that I just want more. I've read similar stories before and seen them focus more on the boy and girl falling in love than the world around them, which to me is always the most interesting part - there's some romance here but it's secondary to the action, and it remains a story about a girl helping to bring down a corrupt government and ensure justice, not about a girl who falls in love whilst doing so. That makes sense, right? Our heroine falls in love, but she kicks-ass primarily. And she has bright red hair. Perfect.

In a nutshell, ACID did several things for me. It gave me a book that I couldn't wait to pick up again every time I had to put it down. It gave me a new heroine to cheer for. It made me want to focus on writing a novel more than ever (and groan that several ideas I've had have already been written in a much better way than I ever could!). And, most importantly, it made me want to tell everyone I know about it, and demand that they read it themselves. I am going to be pushing this book for a VERY long time. I LOVED it.

10/10

One Reason Why The Technophobe Should Embrace The Internet

One Reason Why The Technophobe Should Embrace The Internet

There are some people who resist technology. Some don't like change, some fear it. They worry about computers being everywhere, about where people's jobs are going, and that last bit is sort of understandable.  It gets a bit silly when they don't stop to think about computers that enable us to save people's lives, or conduct research into improving people's lives, but ignoring that, they generally just don't like having what they know replaced by something new. Whilst I'm a complete anti-technophobe (a techno-PRO-be?), I understand the dislike of change - woe betide any website that changes it layout if I like the current one. But one thing I will never understand is people who fail to embrace the internet, branding it a waste of time where children waste their lives on games and Facebook. Sure, many companies nowadays will only give you an online option, and if you don't know what you're doing this is a genuine problem, but it's not a reason to hate the internet - it just means there's an opportunity presenting itself for you to learn a new skill. You can discover an easier way of getting your grocery shopping done, of learning how to wire a plug, or of communicating with your family in Australia.

And then sometimes you just discover something so inspiring, that you can't help but smile. What better evidence that the internet connects people in positive ways, than seeing three people from different parts of the world record their individual parts of a song, and have them all put together to create something beautiful:


I don't know about you, but I find this sort of thing mind blowing. Really, it's amazing that we can do this. We take it for granted nowadays, but imagine how it must have seemed to tell somebody in the 1980s that we could do this 30 years later.

What is particularly dear to me is that I've heard things that each of these three musicians have done individually on YouTube. I've seen Lara cover many video game and TV themes (including fantastic covers of Game of Thrones and Skyrim), I've seen Taylor do the same, and I've heard Lara and Taylor team up together to cover them. In fact, they've even got some of these on iTunes now. And anyone who has played Skyrim is well aware of Malukah after she published her stunning and haunting cover of 'The Dragonborn Comes' from the Skyrim soundtrack. So to hear these three doing something together is a pleasure that I genuinely feel blessed to be a part of.

So, those who oppose the internet and all it stands for (who probably won't be reading this for that exact fact), I implore you - give yourself five minutes to search YouTube and you'll see what the internet is really about. It's about collaborating and making people smile. It's about putting parts together to make them greater than the sum of the whole. And most of all, it's about showing that wherever you look, there's something beautiful to be found.

Remakes, Reboots and Sequels - The Reason Why They Hurt So Much

Remakes and Sequels - The Reason Why They Hurt So Much

Look around the internet, for anything. Absolutely anything. A recipe for Yorkshire puddings perhaps. You'll probably go with the first one you find, and maybe you'll check the comments to see how well received it's been. The comments will read something like this:

foodlover56:

Great!

startermaindessert:

OMG I LUV THIS RECIPEEEEEE <3

cookingqueen:

Thank you

cookingwithlightsabers:

These are so good, it almost makes me forget about Jar Jar Binks

maythefourthbewithyou:

ROFL 

endorbbqcompany:

Have you heard Disney have bought Lucasfilm? :( bad times

leavebritneyalone:

LEAVE STAR WARS ALONE!

recipeguru:

Great recipe

recipeguru:

Great recipe

recipeguru:

Great recipe

recipeguru:

They should have left it at the Original Trilogy

picardbeatskirk:

To be fair, Episode III wasn't too bad

cookingwithlightsabers:

*This message has been deleted due to inappropriate content*

maythefourthbewithyou:

*This message has been deleted due to inappropriate content*

originaltrilogyonly

*This message has been deleted due to inappropriate content*

itsatwap:

I will literally hunt you down and paint you with blenderised Weetabix

monmothaisababe:

*This message has been deleted due to inappropriate content*

exhaustportlol:

*This message has been deleted due to inappropriate content*

recipeguru:

Great recipe

Ok, that's a slight exaggeration.

But only very slight.

If there's one thing guaranteed to get the internet going bananas, it's a remake, reboot or unwanted sequel (I know that's three things). An unwanted sequel usually means one coming out many years after the last film, so Live Free or Die Hard (Die Hard 4) coming out in 2007, after Die Hard With A Vengeance (Die Hard 3) in 1995. I avoided mentioning the Star Wars prequels or Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull because they're so obvious, the Universe face palms itself each time mankind brings them up. Which I just did, so sorry Universe, it won't happen again.

Remakes take on a few different forms. Sometimes they're American remakes of films/television series, such as The Office, or Quarantine. Sometimes they're 'reboots', such as Casino Royale (James Bond) or Battlestar Galactica. However they come, they never arrive welcomed by the mass majority. I include myself in this, and I think I've finally figured out why they hurt me so much personally. There have been many articles written on this, but I haven't come across any that mention this reason specifically.

What most articles that comment on this will tell you, is people see these remakes or sequels are desecrating a childhood memory. To an extent I'd agree. My memory of the Indiana Jones trilogy (sorry again, Universe) is that of an almost perfect set of films that I first watched in childhood, inspiring me to want to become an archaeologist, to make sure things belong in museums, and to want to fight Nazis. When Kingdom of the Crystal Skull came out, I laughed off fears that it wouldn't live up to the original films, confident that George Lucas and Steven Spielberg would deliver the goods. It took a few hours but when the tears had finally ended following a trip to the cinema, I felt like a part of me had been destroyed. There's an excellent episode of South Park that sums up how a lot of people felt following that film. But really, had my childhood been destroyed? No. Kingdom of the Crystal Skull isn't from my childhood. Those films that I did watch back then will always be part of it, and nothing can change that.

I won't go into detail about my feelings on the Star Wars prequels (are your face and palms stinging sufficiently yet, Universe?) - I've partially done that in a previous article, but suffice to say I don't exactly have warm feelings towards them. Episode III had some movement in the wrong direction, but flushes most of that down the toilet with at least one incredibly big flaw of logic. But again, did they destroy my childhood memories of the Original Trilogy, even though Episode I came out in 1999, when I was 13 and so still in childhood? No, because I WAS still a child, and so I lived through the nightmare as a child. What I'm trying to say here is that if you are a child when something like this happens, it's more of a bad sequel than a stain on your memory. For everyone 18+, you're childhood isn't affected by them.

The outcry also always forgets where a remake, reboot or belated sequel succeeds incredibly well. The James Bond franchise has been invigorated by the rebooting formula beginning with Casino Royale, which arguably it had to do to keep with the times following the 'grittier' style of popular spy series such as the Jason Bourne trilogy. The Battlestar Galactica 're-imagined' (it means reboot) is my all time favourite television series of all time (and sorry anyone who didn't like the finale - Dad, you're just wrong). True, I never saw the original, but surely the fact that I didn't makes it OK - I have my series of Battlestar, fans of the original have theirs. I love the UK version of The Office, and I'll admit that when I heard there was to be a US remake, I moaned and groaned, but I've only heard positive things about it, and I'm happy to accept that it has plenty of fans. I still groan and wonder why the US has to remake everything the UK produces, but it doesn't impact on the UK version, so really all I have to do is ignore it and be proud that the UK version is miles better. No offence to any US readers, but history would suggest I'm likely to be right about this.

So, if all this is true, then why does it hurt so much when something like a new Indiana Jones film comes out and is terrible (seriously, aliens?). Well, it's not because your childhood is getting screwed with.

It's because it becomes canon.

That's right. When a new film gets added to a franchise, no matter how hard you try to ignore it, morally you know it's now part of its history. When you talk about what you think Indy did post-Last Crusade, whether it's visiting Atlantis or living a quiet life playing Bridge with Marcus, you know that at some point he ends up meeting aliens. And that hurts, it really does. Aliens? Seriously? Why not just make Fate of Atlantis? It couldn't be anything but a winner. 

When the original Star Wars trilogy (just keep face palming indefinitely, Universe, it's probably easiest) were the only set of films, you could imagine what the Clone Wars were like, and how Anakin Skywalker became Darth Vader, and remain ignorant about trade negotiations, the origins of C3-PO and stupid, STUPID JAR JAR BINKS. But now, no matter how hard you try to erase it, or determinedly say 'Oh, I just pretend they didn't happen', deep down you know they did. You can ignore the Expanded Universe if any of that annoys you, because it isn't considered canon, but the prequels are. Morally, you have to acknowledge them. That's right, it's a moral issue. My conscience burns if I try to tell myself Jar Jar is just a nightmare that I've dreamed up.

This is also why arguing against a reboot doesn't have merit. The latest Star Trek film deliberately began a new timeline. All of your favourite Star Trek moments are still valid, they just happened in a different timeline. So your childhood is safe.

Of course, sometimes a remake or sequel is so bad it hurts to watch it just because it's bad. The fact it's associated with a franchise you love is a coincidence. Red Dwarf USA, both pilots, was terrible. But it would be terrible if the dialogue was tweaked to be about a Scottish launderette. Nothing could change that. 

So there you have it. I've put a finger on what's really been bothering you about remakes, reboots and sequels. No need to thank me, it's what I'm here for. I'll admit it, that i'm dreading the Starship Troopers remake, because I see it as unnecessary and don't see how it can top the original. But as long as it doesn't become canon, then I don't really have grounds to complain. I just won't see it. Or i'll see it, and then go and watch the original and remind myself how much better it is.

But i'll probably still complain. Even though I should know better.

The Great 'Which Universe Would I Rather Inhabit' Tournament Round 2 Match 1

The Great 'Which Universe Would I Rather Inhabit' Tournament Round 2 Match 1

Round 2

I’d like to start Round 2 by re-iterating what this tournament is about, and what the arguments within can be. It’s not about which is my favourite series, it’s about which Universe I would rather live in, with its laws of physics, magic etc., and the races and lands within. Accepting that I have a mortal life span, and would have to pick just one era to live in, I’m trying to stay away from basing it on the individual people inhabiting that particular universe (except for Ultima, where everyone seems to be alive most of the time the Avatar is there, so I’d be bound to run in to him constantly on my adventures). I’ve not stuck to a particular time frame in the previous rounds, so I’m sticking with that ethos, although I do wonder if that would have given me more focus. Got to keep on as I did before, however, to keep it a clean fight. Maybe at the end of each match I’ll state my favoured time period. Should probably do that for the losers now really then:

Red Dwarf – well, you’d think it would be three million years into deep space as the obvious choice, wouldn’t you? Wroooooooooong. I’m afraid I’m not going to pick a time where there’s no prospect of procreating (Lister becoming his own father doesn’t count. And still doesn’t make sense), so I’m going to opt for the time when Lister goes into stasis and the accident occurs on Red Dwarf. I’ll be a member of a crew on another space ship, and I’ll get to travel the galaxy and see mankind terraform and colonise other planets. Life will be good, and I’ll own a garden with some decking, and therefore all my dreams will come true.

Battlestar Galactica – sod it, I’m going to have been a member of the Galactica’s crew, and I’m going to enjoy living a simple life on Earth. I’m going to sneak some technology with me so I can solar power some equipment, and make sure I can still play Skyrim.

Aliens – I’ve just seen Prometheus, obviously set in the Alien universe, but as I hadn’t when I started this tournament, I won’t let it influence my decision. I’d like to live at the start of humanity’s exploration of the stars in this universe. I’d love to think I’ll manage that in real life.

Terminator – well it’s our universe, Judgement Day gets delayed…I’ll choose to go and live in Tudor times, and become a wandering minstrel. I’ll sing songs of the apocalypse that will happen 500 years in the future, and people will call me a visionary/crazy. Here’s a sample:

                Beware I cry to one and all

                We will commit this sin

                Be vigilent and heed my call

                Don’t let the buggers win

Narnia – I’ll come around just after the Pevensies return home following the first book. I’ll re-write Narnian history and become King, with my wife and child at my side, as is my birthright as a Son of Adam. And it shall be good.

Middle Earth – I’m thinking that I’d arrive neatly at the end of the Third Age with the defeat of Sauron and destruction of the One Ring, as everything seems quite happy and jolly then. Or maybe the First Age where I could give Sauron the middle finger and just warn all the kings that he gave rings to not to wear them, as they’d become a little more transparent with time – ‘because we’d see through their plans?’ you say? Haha! No. As in invisible. Being a king is all about ego, and if your subjects can’t see your face, then where’s the glory?

Firefly – Not having as much of an in-universe history as the rest of those on this list, except for our own history which I’ll avoid this time, I’ll just pick the time frame that we see in the show. Maybe Captain Reynolds would spot me in a public library and decide that’s just what the ship needs.

Doctor Who – Well, In Doctor Who I suppose I’ve got to choose which Doctor’s era would I rather be living in. And that is a very tricky toss-up between David Tennant’s Tenth Doctor, and Matt Smith’s Eleventh Doctor. That’s a future article to debate over I’m sure, and I’m not going to make a choice now, so I’ll just say sometime then. I’m aware that as they time travel, picking any kind of time frame is a little pointless, but The Doctor has his own linear timeline relatively speaking, so it’s still a valid argument.

And with that out of the way, onto Round 2...

Heroes vs Buffy

Universe of I-think-there-was-something-to-do-with-an-eclipse-so-maybe-they’re-solar-based-but-i-gave-up-before-series-4-so-maybe-it-was-explained-better-then based powers vs Universe of powers granted by magic and demons

Ah Heroes, you made it through the first round because you boasted powers and the promise that maybe one day I could have some of my own. Just like you showed promise that you could be one of the best science-fiction shows of all time. Well, you blew that, so will you blow your chance here? As discussed before, there’s a plethora of powers available, and a not entirely unreasonable chance that at some point in the future I could gain some of them (they can’t keep these things under wraps for ever, surely), plus plenty of bad guys to fight against. Really, as a fictional universe, you’re ticking most of the boxes that a geek would love.

But then along comes the Buffyverse, with its ass kicking heroine, its magic-wielding best friend, its variety of demons, and its Spike. Magical powers vs *explanation unavailable but in an alternate future everyone had them* powers. Hordes of demons vs just nasty people.

Oh Buffyverse, you should stroll this one, surely? If only it were a best show competition. You would’ve strolled ages ago. You’d probably be enjoying a celebratory pint by now. But it’s not so clear cut in this tournament, as we’ve discovered several times. I’m going to disregard the ‘demons vs just nasty people’ argument, because although I love fantasy and saving the world as a hero, without the magic/powers then I don’t really have a way of fighting these and I’d probably end up dead pretty quickly if I tried to talk a demon down with sound reasoning and the offer of therapy. I suppose it comes down to whether I would rather have my powers brought on by magic (and let’s be clear – I WOULD be capable of wielding magic, because it’s my tournament) or by random explanation. With magic I’d have to buy all the ingredients and chant stuff (a lot of the time it seems), whereas in the Heroesverse, the powers are just there, ready to be used. But, with magic I can pick and choose the spells (skill dependant, of course). The powers in Heroes seem to be randomly assigned.

Hmm.

Well, in the end, I’ve made a choice. And, despite the close nature of the finish, having weighed up the odds, Buffy takes the victory. There’s just too much chance I’d end up with a stupid power, like the ability to turn myself into a belt, in the Heroesverse. In the Buffyverse I may have to go out and buy the ingredients for the magic, and, you know, be good at it and stuff, but at least I’m making the choices towards it. Plus, as long as I’ve got the methods of fighting them, fantasy creatures are just so much cooler than rich people with too much money.

As for a time period, for both Buffy and Heroes it would just be the contemporary time. 

Winner: Buffy

Red Dwarf	Heroes	Buffy
Heroes
Buffy	Buffy
Battlestar Galactica
Star Wars	Star Wars
Aliens
Elder Scrolls	Elder Scrolls
Terminator
Narnia	Ultima
Ultima
Star Trek	Star Trek
Middle Earth
Firefly	Marvel
Marvel
DC	DC
Doctor Who

Book Review - The P.L.A.I.N. Janes - Cecil Castellucci (Writer) & Jim Rugg (Illustrator)

Teenage Graphic Novel - The P.L.A.I.N. Janes – Cecil Castellucci (Writer) & Jim Rugg (Illustrator)

Recommended for: Teens/Adults

Minx’ were an imprint of DC comics, designed for teenage girls, to try and catch a flourishing market who were starting to get noticed reading Manga in book shops. It ended up being cancelled after poor sales, which is a crying shame as anything that encourages more girls into reading comics can only be a good thing.

I randomly picked up a copy of another book in the Minx series, not knowing at the time it was for teenage girls (honest), just liking the art work and premise. When I really enjoyed that, and learned that there were 12 altogether, I thought I’d get them all sent to the library to go through in order (wonderful things, our public libraries – if you don’t use yours, remember they lend you books for free. That’s more money to spend on other important things, like cling film and lint roll).

The P.L.A.I.N. Janes is the first to be released. It chronicles the story of Jane, who has moved with her parents to the suburbs from Metro City following a terrorist attack which she was caught up in. The story is told mainly through a series of letters she writes to a comatose patient in the hospital who saved her life that day. When it came to move to the suburbs, she took his sketchbook with her, hoping to fill it with her own work and send it back to him when complete. When she arrives, she has the same trouble that every new student at high school encounters, namely to decide which group of friends she would like to hang out with. Shunning the advances of the most popular girl in school, she chooses to befriend the ‘odd ball’ group, made up of three other girls called Jane (or variations on). Realising that there isn’t a lot to do in suburbia, and wanting to live a little under the fairly strict and boring rule of her parents, she forms ‘People Loving Art In Neighbourhoods’ (P.L.A.I.N.) with these other Janes, and proceeds to carry out a series of ‘art attacks’ to liven up the town and show that life can be fun. Although these get all the kids at school excited (and the rest of the suburbs talking), the police view it as anti-social behaviour, invoke a curfew, and threaten anyone who is caught with juvenile hall. Along the way, P.L.A.I.N. enlist the help of a couple boys, one of whom is the obligatory crush for our main Jane.

Teenage girl or not, I thought this was great fun. The art attacks are great to see, it gets you thinking about the line between fun and breaking the law, and the main characters all have their own likeable quirks. There’s an awkward teenage crush as you’d expect, but otherwise it isn’t really full of any clichés as you might expect to appeal to a teenage female audience (fashion, shoes etc.). 

The art work is great, with lots of impressive sketches that Jane draws interspersed with the main narrative. The flashbacks work well, as does the narrating to the guy in the coma, letting us know how Jane feels as the story progresses. There's even a fairly tense finish, which i'm not spoiling here, but it leaves you with a smile on your face, wanting more.

I know this is meant to attract a female teenage audience to graphic novels, so it’s such a shame that it didn’t have the desired impact, because this is a great way to get in for people who think of graphic novels as superheroes in costumes doing geeky things. I myself am most certainly not a teenage girl, no matter what the bullies at school may have said, and I thoroughly enjoyed, so don’t let the Minx imprint put you off. I’m off to start no.2 in the series, Re-Grifters, so I’ll see you then.

9/10